Unravel the wisdom of renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel as we delve into her top strategies for navigating challenging professional relationships. Discover how to foster a healthier work environment, improve communication, and build stronger bonds with colleagues.
Esther Perel, one of the world’s most famous sex and relationship therapists, knows that work relationships can be as complex and emotional as the romantic type.
The stories and personal histories we bring to our jobs inform how we feel about our co-workers, and Perel is a master at pointing out the contradictions between what people say and what they do.
If you push back against your boss, they need to hear more than just a “no”
If you want to decline something your boss asks of you, you should offer a solution for where your talents are better used
- In one episode, a boss views an employee who directly reports to her as passively disengaged during the pandemic, while the employee sees her boss as someone who does not listen to her input
- Perel points out that her repeated no’s are being read by her manager as disinterest
If you ultimately quit, don’t allow it to be a negative story of failure
The language of how you talk about your exit matters
- Before you can share the news with anyone else, you have to learn how to talk about it to yourself
- You cannot have a fresh start if you see your new job as a fallback plan
How to redirect a heated office conflict
Remind squabbling colleagues of their shared goals
- What’s the best thing that can come out of our conversation today? What’s your wildest dream for a positive outcome
- Each person should feel like they can trust their friend again, while the friend wants to be closer
Conflict at work is tied to historic injustices
Some co-worker conflicts are not just about individual misunderstandings. They’re tied to historical injustices.
- One podcast episode involves the fallout after two lobbyists and “work spouses” disagreed on why their close friendship ended
- The Black supervisor believed his white employee left their company over being underpaid, while the white employee felt like her supervisor was asking her to step aside for people of color
Figure out your own conflict style so you can understand the other person better
To stop “repetitive loops” and the “state of chronic bickering,” as Perel puts it, you need to find out what your role is
- Once you can see your pattern, you can learn to observe when it’s happening and try to understand what your colleague is actually trying to say behind their hurt feelings
