If you’ve ever worked closely with someone else in a work environment (so pretty much everyone), you’ve had a disagreement.
Maybe you didn’t agree with the current approach for tackling a project, or you weren’t quite sold on the marketing of a new product.
Either way, you didn’t quite see eye to eye with the other party.
You are not your idea
- Avoid identifying too closely with your ideas
- The trick is to balance passionate conviction with realistic expectations
- If your idea doesn’t get adopted, that’s not a personal attack on you; there must have been an equally good – or even better – way
Are you actually listening to the other side?
- When we get worked up in conversation, we become so focused on saying exactly what we’re going to say that we don’t spend the time necessary to understand the counterargument.
- Jerry Brown demonstrated this when he interacted with protesters during his campaign. He would immediately go over and talk to them and understand their position.
Present your ideas inclusively, not combatively
- You’re both on the same team working toward a better solution
- When faced with disagreement, our basic human instincts often lead us astray; we either fight tooth and nail for our point of view or turn tail and avoid it altogether
- There are more constructive ways to approach disagreement
- Set your pride aside
- Maintain perspective on what’s really important
- Listen to the other side
- Do the work to have an opinion
What are we actually disagreeing about?
- When faced with a major decision, both parties should ideally agree on the overall direction and big picture items
- Above the line thinking concerns broader concepts and general direction.
- Below the line thinks focuses on the finer details – what colors to use in the email, which department should build the landing page, etc.
Do the work required to have an opinion
- Take fifteen minutes, an hour, a day, or even a week depending on what’s really at stake
- Ask yourself, “What if I’m wrong?”.
- Gather facts and details that support the opposite point of view
- Break down your arguments individually and try to create counterexamples
- Red teaming: stress test your ideas in a group setting
