Parent Post
Gaslighting is a form
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where an individual tries to gain power and control over you. The person will:
- Lie to you and intentionally set you up to fail.
- Say and do things and later deny they ever happened.
- Undermine, manipulate, and convince you that you are the problem.
And what about your workplace?
Excluding you from meetings, keeping you off the list for company leadership programs — all while speaking negatively about your performance to their peers and senior leadership — are all red flags in your relationship with the manager.
Assist employees in finding
Assist employees in finding a new opportunity.
Help targeted employees find a new opportunity.
Start with using your social and political capital to endorse them for opportunities on other teams.
Sometimes, employees take an external opportunity to have a fresh start and heal from the gaslighting. Stay in touch and be open to rehiring them when the timing is right for them.
Although organizations are racing
Although organizations are racing to develop their leaders, research shows that almost 30% of bosses are toxic.
Leadership training is only part of the solution. Leaders should act and hold the managers accountable when they see gaslighting in action.
Here are five things leaders can do when they suspect their managers are gaslighting employees.
Intervene in the moments
Intervene in the moments that matter.
As a leader, you can use your position of power to destabilize the manager who is gaslighting.
By doing so, you signal to the gaslighter that you are watching and aware of their actions and putting them on notice.
If you see that a manager has excluded an employee from a meeting, make sure to invite them and be clear that you extended the invitation.
Document what you’re observing on behalf of the employee who is the target of gaslighting.
Believe employees when they
Believe employees when they share what’s happening.
The point of gaslighting is to instill self-doubt, so when an employee has the courage to come forward, leaders must start by actively listening and believing them.
Their manager might be skilled at managing up, presenting themselves as an inclusive leader while verbally abusing employees.
Do not minimize, deny, or invalidate what they tell you. Thank them for trusting you enough to share their experiences and ask them how you can support them moving forward.
Isolate the manager who
Isolate the manager who is gaslighting.
If a manager is gaslighting, it likely isn’t their first time. With the help of human resources, review the manager’s team’s attrition rates and exit interview data.
Support the employee experiencing gaslighting when they share their experiences with HR, including providing your documentation.
In smaller organizations, restructuring happens often. Use this as an opportunity to isolate the manager by decreasing their span of control and ultimately making them an individual contributor with no oversight of employees.
During the “Great Resignation,”
During the “Great Resignation,” people have had the time and space to think about what’s important to them.
Allowing managers who continue to gaslight to thrive in your company will only drive your employees away.
They’ll choose to work for organizations that not only value their contributions but that also respect them as individuals.
Be on the lookout
Be on the lookout for signs of gaslighting.
Being gaslighted by a manager can be a key driver of why someone’s performance is suddenly declining. Over time, gaslighting can slowly erode confidence and self-worth.
As a leader, always look for signs.
If an employee has shared their experiences, be on high alert to catch subtle signals. Watch for patterns of gaslighting occurring during conversations, in written communication, and activities outside of work hours.
A manager who is
A manager who is gaslighting may:
- Exclude their employees from meetings.
- Deny them opportunities to present their work.
- Exclude them from networking opportunities, work events, and leadership and development programs.
- Gossip or joke about them.
- Create a negative narrative of their performance.
