Leadership advisor Diana Chapman shares her wisdom on leading a drama-free life in this episode of The Knowledge Project Podcast.
She provides a masterclass on altering our responses to challenges, understanding our role in the drama triangle, and the power of the ‘whole body yes’.
These insights are applicable not only to leadership but also to personal relationships and parenting.
The ‘By Me’ Leadership Model
In the ‘by me’ leadership model, individuals recognize that they are the creators of their own experiences.
This mindset empowers individuals to take responsibility for their own feelings and reactions, leading to more empowered and effective leaders.
Feedback as a Growth Tool
Feedback is a critical component of personal and professional development.
Despite the discomfort it may bring, it’s essential to view feedback as a neutral experience.
Understanding that feedback is more about the giver than the receiver can make it easier to accept and learn from.
Breaking the Cognitive-Emotive Loop
To break out of a cognitive-emotive loop, it’s important to return to the physical sensations in the body.
The body has its own intelligence and can process emotions if given the space to do so.
Escaping the Drama Triangle
The first step to moving away from the drama triangle is to recognize and accept that we are in a state of threat.
Shifting from a state of threat to a state of trust involves stopping the blame game, being open to learning, allowing ourselves and others to feel our feelings, and being honest.
Breathing as a Stress Management Tool
Breathing is a key tool in managing stress and overcoming challenges.
Taking a deep breath can help relax the body, increase presence, and restore a sense of personal empowerment.
The Value of Discomfort
Discomfort, often seen as something to avoid, can actually serve as a form of intelligence guiding us through unfamiliar or challenging situations.
By acknowledging and allowing these feelings to pass through us, we can remain present and manage discomfort more effectively.
Embracing the Messiness
Suppressing messiness can hinder growth.
Instead, viewing tension and polarities as opportunities for evolution can foster learning and development.
This doesn’t mean creating overly stressful environments, but rather spaces where learning can occur.
I’m obsessed with wanting people to be more comfortable being uncomfortable… if we don’t choose that consciously, we’re gonna create a world that provides a lot of discomfort to force us to start to be more uncomfortable. – Diana Chapman
Balancing Different Types of Intelligence
Different people lead with different types of intelligence: intellectual (IQ), emotional (EQ), and body (BQ).
Leaders who can access all three types of intelligence equally are more effective decision-makers.
Feedback is always telling us about the giver more than the receiver… Can I own it over here, can I see how the opposite could be true, and then could I hold the feedback lightly? – Diana Chapman
The Role of Play in Learning
Play is crucial in learning.
Exaggerating and playing around when we find ourselves in the drama triangle can help us learn and grow.
Mammals, including humans, learn best through play, and seriousness can often shut down our awareness and learning.
Emotions as Intelligence
Emotions can signal important information.
For example, anger can indicate that something isn’t serving us, fear can indicate a need to learn something, and sadness can suggest a need to let go or grieve.
Processing Emotions Effectively
Allowing feelings to be expressed and processed is crucial.
If feelings are suppressed, they can resurface later in unpredictable ways and potentially create a cognitive-emotive loop, leading to prolonged emotional distress.
Understanding the Drama Triangle
The Drama Triangle, a concept by psychologist Steven Karpman, consists of three roles: the victim, the villain, and the hero.
Identifying our role in the triangle can help us take responsibility for our actions and emotions, leading to more effective leadership and healthier relationships.
