Surprise comments work below our conscious radar, helping us reshape our self-perception and reexamine long-held patterns of thinking. We can use surprise comments strategically to enrich others’ lives and to shift our perspective on ourselves. Every day, each of us has the opportunity to change someone’s life.
What Is “Surprise”?
Surprise is the error signal our brains produce when something unexpected or mis-expected happens.
- It was an essential adaptation for our ancestors because it forced them to freeze and focus on threats and opportunities. Those who could not experience surprise could not react or learn quickly enough to survive.
How Can Surprise Change Someone’s Life?
Surprise is a key ingredient in our formative moments. Formative events are the experiences that have shaped who we believe we are.
- All of us are influenced by the combination of our past experiences, and the majority of our experiences are part of a slow, gradual evolution in self-perception.
Surprise Pro-Tips: How to Trigger a Shift in People’s Self-Perception
Identify a perceived weakness: Spot a self-criticism you’d like to help someone revise
- Flip the “weakness” to a strength: Identify the strength that is the opposite side of the same coin
- Deliver the message: Share your sincere perception of the individual’s strength
- Make your message quick and to the point
